This Sunday, take a look around your church, and see if you can find any young men. For some of you, outside of the youth pastor, you won’t spot any. For others, you’ll see a couple of bearded, latte-sipping guys in skinny jeans, and a few high schoolers who are dragged by their parents. Where are all of the young men?
Let’s be real, the music alone seems designed to keep young men away. This isn’t intended to be rude, but most churches today sing songs that would immediately be popular with teenage girls if they replaced the word “Jesus” with “baby.” To add insult to injury, the worship team usually repeats the chorus an untold number of times, as if God couldn’t hear them the first five times. Making matters worse, the worship leader will often just groan incoherent sounds for an entire verse or two, like “oh” and “mmm.” With all due respect, most churches sing sappy, slow songs you’d hear at middle school dances, and people wonder why young men stay home.
Unfortunately, the music is just the tip of the iceberg. Generally speaking, young men like adventure, and local churches are the last place you’d expect to encounter anything risky or challenging. Why do guys play video games on Sunday mornings instead of going to church? Simply put, video games are about completing a mission, passing levels until you win. When young men have a cause, we’re as passionate and committed as they come. Just look at how guys behave at sporting events, and how intense we get over a game of pickup basketball. Better yet, look at the men of the Bible.
Moses rejected a life of luxury to lead God’s people out of slavery (Hebrews 11:24-27). David was God’s warrior, slaying the enemies of the Lord by the thousands (1 Samuel 18:7). Stephen rebuked the Pharisees, right to their faces, and he was promptly stoned to death (Acts 7). Peter and Paul also spoke their minds with boldness, and their message was so dangerous they spent a good deal of time in prisons throughout the Roman Empire (Acts 12:3-5; 16:16-26). These loyal soldiers of the Lord risked everything to complete the mission God assigned them. By the way, they were some pretty salty guys. Can you picture them in a modern American church?
Let’s not forget, Jesus Himself commanded His followers to buy swords (Luke 22:36) and He was brutally honest with the Pharisees (Matthew 23). I mean, people weren’t crucified back in the day for being passive and nice. Yet, without fail, churchgoing men are encouraged to be nice above everything else. What gives? Christians are called to boldly speak the truth out of love, and sometimes, that means we’re not going to be nice (Ephesians 4:15).
Regardless, when young men actually give church a shot, it’s a thoroughly uncomfortable experience. They force themselves to be agreeable and inoffensive to fit in, tolerating the awkwardness of people swaying to slow songs and doing their best to pretend they’re not bored. It’s a lot of effort, and they stick out like sore thumbs. Honestly, who wouldn’t be put off by the holier-than-thou attitude of the regular attendees who appropriately play the part of modern churchgoers? It’s no wonder that the few young men who attend churches grew up in churchgoing families. They keep coming because they’re used to it, although plenty of them are dragged to church by a family member or a significant other.
In large part, the reluctance to attend church is because the results are always the same. Something unexpected rarely happens in church services, and while there’s lots of talking about what we should do, it rarely leads to any action. How well are most churches known in their wider communities? How many of them are military outposts for King Jesus? Indeed, how frequently are pastors bold about anything, especially an issue that offends some people?
Typically, sermons today are about God’s wonderful plan for your life, how much He wants to bless you, and how He loves you because you’re a unique, precious snowflake. After all, these messages don’t hurt the bottom line. Still, what happened to running the Christian race, sacrificing everything to follow Jesus, fighting the good fight of faith, enduring persecution and being a soldier of Christ?
So far, we’ve looked at the bad news: American churches have mostly left young men behind. Fortunately, there’s good news: American society has mostly ignored and marginalized young men. This means Christians have a huge opportunity to engage young men with the Gospel. How will we capitalize on this opportunity? Check out part two for some strategies.